Categories
culture/tradition education folklore Lessons from Experiences Love and Christianity Series

Thoughts on Friendships and Personal Autonomy

I received several messages from close friends, complaining of the way their friends or partners treat them. I tried to see reason from different angles so that I can make an impartial judgment. Being good is not a guarantee that people will treat you well and returning people’s favours is not ideal too.

Well, we all know that people come in different sizes and shapes, so expecting them to treat you exactly the way you treat them will be like trying to feed grass to lions. Differences in lifestyle, personal/religious/economic background, culture, education, life experiences, and more contribute to different human behaviours. Heartbreaks and failed relationships are common because many started with the wrong mindset and direction.

It’s not about treating people the way they treat you. It’s actually recognizing that you deserve better than the way they treat you and you value yourself well enough to walk away with your dignity and self respect intact. People should stop investing in one sided or fair weather relationships and friendships. When people show you they don’t value you, simply walk away. I’ve been there severally! A broken friendship is better than a failed marriage or long term relationship!

No drama, no mind games, no guilt trips, no shaming, no abusive calls or texts, just a realization that you deserve better and removing someone who treats you in less manner. You teach people how they treat you and it’s you and only you that know your worth and value. Take your power back and stop giving your personal autonomy away to other people.

Have a great day. Our love challenge continues.

Categories
Africa Nature Pastoral Poetry

Reflection: Friendship

Friendship is a beautiful gift. True friendship drives away all sort of fear and loneliness.

It’s even said in myths that trees feed each other through their roots. So there are benefits to networking and keeping true friends.

Note that friendship is central to human survival and that humanity thrives better in community.

Categories
Nature Pastoral Poetry

Friendship

Listen and ride through nostalgia
Friendship may restore old memories
Of joyful love and companionship

Categories
Uncategorized

Haiku: Smiles

Smiles are colorful dresses,
Bright are the clouds that sail by,
Brighter are lips that wear loving smiles

***

Image by Botlhale Nyandeni

Categories
Lessons from Experiences Love and Christianity

Thoughts on Friendship and Honesty, from an Introvert’s view

Friends are family we chose for ourselves.

Although there are many forms of friendship, some of which may vary from place to place, certain characteristics are present in many types of such bonds. Such characteristics include affection; kindness, love, virtue, sympathy, empathy, honesty, altruism, loyalty, generosity, forgiveness, mutual understanding and compassion, enjoyment of each other’s company, trust, and the ability to be oneself, express one’s feelings to others, and make mistakes without fear of judgment from the friend. Friendship is an essential aspect of relationship building skills. Friendship is a vital part of life.

Introverts find it hard to make friends. They even find it harder keeping relationships! Even so, introverts have someone they love, trust and confide in. They are choosy and careful lovers, so find it hard to trust. When they chose a friend, their loyalty is very strong.

Honesty relates specially to Friendship. Honesty is commitment, truthfulness and being real to oneself, people around and the environment. As people are different, one can’t expect everyone to be honest or friendly. Honesty and friendship is dependent on loyalty. Let’s consider the story of Jonathan and David in the Bible. Jonathan as the King’s son helped his friend David escape when his father sought to kill the Shepherd boy. We can see from this story that love and trust superceded personal or family interests.

It’s hard to find loyal friends but being real or true to oneself will bring those who deserve our genuine trust and friendship.

Categories
Uncategorized

Thoughts: Friends or Foes?

In the story telling world, it is believed that rodents in the house are the ones to inform rodents outside where the fish basket is hidden. This applies in real life. Only those who know or are close to you can harm you with the information they have about you.

Sometimes we feel betrayed and then hurt over what friend’s do/did. Well, it’s true no one is perfect, but a real friend won’t put himself in a position to deliberately hurt you (It does happen though, once in a while, but the magnitude is forgiveable).

So how do we know a friend?

* In times of need: If someone can’t help you, it doesn’t make the person a foe. A friend goes beyond his comfort to make you comfortable. A friend is unselfish and wishes to serve you.

* Testimonies behind you: For instance my best friend, Franklin will always fight for me even when I was physically unavailable. The same with me. So the saying goes you know your true friends when they talk about you in your absence.

* Friendship can’t be forced. It just happens. So you know when someone is a friend. It goes with some understanding, feelings, concern, mutual interest and care.

* If you trust someone with your life then the person is a friend. If you can let someone guard your food or house, then he/she holds a lot of trust space in your heart. For instance, a friend took another’s prison detention so that his friend could go say final goodbye to his family. He did come back to take his punishment and relieve his friend of it!

Though it seems normal to share gossips, personal details and secrets with friends, it is wise to reduce the amount of personal information you give out. Info like bank ID details is very personal and must be kept as such.

Categories
Lessons from Experiences Pastoral Series

Thoughts: Keep your circle small

He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. Proverbs 13:20

Your company can assist or resist you. The people you keep around may destroy your dreams or may help you achieve them.

Consider the story of Joseph and his brothers. The brothers planned to kill him just because he shared his dream with them! (Genesis 37).

There’s a saying in the Igbo of the chick that watch the mother hen eat. The chick learn from the hen. If you hang around greedy or selfish people, there’s a likelihood you will pick some of their traits. Your company can bring out the best in you or the worst in you.

Some people might be in your boat but may not be traveling the same destination with you. Don’t let them sink your boat. Assess your company. Remember, an eagle has no business with crows.

Good morning from West Africa.

Categories
Uncategorized

Thoughts on Loneliness 3

Today I was in school (where I work) and really enjoyed the time I spent with my favorite students and friends. I had a lot of hugs especially from Helen, a primary school kid who took fancy of me. I teach the secondary section but my friends mostly are those little kids at the kindergaten and primary who run about and play every possible play they could around me. I enjoyed those smiling faces. Most times, during break time, I visit the primary section to see my friends. What a welcome I always get! It warms my heart to see such love, undiluted! I will love to feel that way again and again.Why did I start this post with that little story? Because I wanted to draw attention to the fact that even an introvert needs some air. You needn’t stay away from people (include kids and pets) even when your senses are beating drums to. When I open up to nice people, I feel better and I could get back to my thoughts feeling very great!Man is a social animal. Yes! So don’t keep yourself back to yourself. Sometimes reach out and when people reach out to you don’t always hold back. Bless people with your time, attention, love, smiles and hugs. 😊😊😊

Categories
Uncategorized

Cheerful Friends

Cheerful friends are much more,

They contribute to our happiness

And joy through their benevolence

Memories of their actions

Bring warm feelings and always soft,

So we feel secured with their thoughts

Cheerful friends are like young tendrils

They grow with love and are selfless

Even in one’s grieve, they bond to purchase

When our ego’s suffer,

They give their’s to make you happy

And in a friend, you find great loyalty

Categories
Uncategorized

Musing: Made for you

“Come, come closer…
Keep your palms on mine
Look into my eyes
See how much you mean to me”

1
Come and feel my steel shine
Call me your gladiator
Your defender, your shield, your man
I am your shepherd

2
Have you seen my birds cackle?
Call me your farmer
I will press the Olives into your palms.
I shail help your dreams grow

3
Come and see my musings
I am your mouthpiece, your pencil
I will sing with my croaky voice
All night a lullaby will be, by the fireside

4
Come be by my side
I am your lover, and your my lover
We will make this companionship work
I am your friend, made just for you

Categories
Uncategorized

How

How days turn to nights
Fast the way ahead runs,
Everyone in haste to follow it
A glimpse we need and a little wit

How friends turn pale and blue
All changes in different hues
And we grow without it
In hope of another to meet

How it all comes to me now
To you I could give a brief bow
The mist dries on the mid day
Before then you were on your way

How the leaves fall from the trees
In solemn circles around the farmstead
Quietly, we watch in awe
While the grey deer gnaw

How with guns we live
Hatred, pain, wrath, disbelieve
The reason, being unforgiveness
But war machines rage on, relentless

What do you call love
When on the streets children bereaved;
Die in reject, loneliness and pain
Are we waiting for a Samaritan?

Hues and colors change when mixed
There is hope if together we bleed
Diseases are in town, the villagers are happy
But then, is that not inhumanity?

Will life be worth living alone?
The Lord wants this, He is above all thrones:
‘The tents are full of harvest
Share with the needy, keep them on your breast’

The love you seek, find it everyday
Show it to kids, the Earth, and everybody
Let the ‘word’ be caring and love
And to the clouds we all shall wave

Now the world seems so dark
Falling tree leaves, chimneys black
And if true love has been here
To all, there would have been some fresh air!

When clocks chime around the block
Then all in haste wakes to work
With no favor, with no fear
Of how this dying Earth fares!

save the trees, save you and me!