Gather around friends. This is a very long story.
Once upon a time, all the birds were invited to a feast in the sky. They were thrilled and began to prepare themselves for the great day. They painted their bodies with red camwood and drew beautiful patterns on their bodies with uli*.
Tortoise saw all these preparations and soon discovered what was about to happen. He was full of cunning and greed. As soon as he heard of the great feast in the sky, his throat began to itch at the very thought. There was a famine in those days, and he had not eaten a good meal for two moons. So he began to plan how he would go to the sky. The tortoise had no wings, so he went to the birds and asked to go with them.
“We know you too well,” said the birds when they heard him. “You are full of cunning, and you are ungrateful. If we allow you to come with us, you will soon begin your mischief.”
“You do not know me,” said Tortoise. “I am a changed person. I have learned that a man who makes trouble for others is also making it for himself.”
The tortoise had a sweet tongue, and within a short time, all the birds agreed that he was a changed person, and they each gave him a feather with which he made two wings.
At last, the great day came, and Tortoise was the first to arrive at the meeting place. When all the birds had gathered together, they set off in a body. The tortoise was very happy as he flew among the birds, and he was soon chosen as the person to speak for the party because he was a great orator.
“There is one important thing which we must not forget,” he said as they flew on their way. “When people are invited to a great feast like this, they take new names for the occasion. Our hosts in the sky will expect us to honour this age-old custom.”
None of the birds had heard of this custom, but they knew that Tortoise, despite his failings in other directions, was a widely-travelled man who knew the traditions of different peoples. And so they each took a new name. When they had all taken, Tortoise also took one. He was to be called “All of you.”
At last, the party arrived in the sky, and their hosts were pleased to see them. Tortoise stood up in his many-coloured plumage and thanked them for their invitation. His speech was so eloquent that all the birds were glad they had brought him and nodded their heads in approval of all he said. Their hosts took him as the King of the birds, especially as he looked somewhat different from the others.
After kola nuts were presented and eaten, the people of the sky set before their guests; the sweetest dishes Tortoise had ever seen or dreamed of. The soup was brought out hot from the fire and in the same pot in which it had been cooked. It was full of meat and fish. There were pounded yam and also yam pottage cooked with palm oil and fresh fish. There were also pots of palm wine. When everything had been set before the guests, one of the people of the sky came forward and tasted a little from each jar. He then invited the birds to eat. But Tortoise jumped to his feet and asked: “For who has you prepared this feast?”
“For all of you,” replied the man.
Tortoise turned to the birds and said, “You remember that my name is All of you. The custom here is to serve the spokesman first and the others later. They will serve you when I have eaten.”
He began to eat, and the birds grumbled angrily. The sky’s people thought it must be their custom to leave all the food for their King. So Tortoise ate the best part of the food and drank two pots of palm wine so that he was full of food and drink and his body filled out in his shell.
The birds gathered round to eat what was left and peck at the bones he had thrown all about the floor. Some of them were too angry to eat. They chose to fly home on an empty stomach. But before they left, each took back the feather he had lent to Tortoise. And there he stood in his hard shell full of food and wine but without any wings to fly home. He asked the birds to take a message for his wife, but they all refused. In the end, Parrot, who had felt angrier than the others, suddenly changed his mind and agreed to take the message.
“Tell my wife,” said Tortoise, “to bring out all the soft things in my house and cover the compound with them so that I can jump down from the sky without much danger.”
The Parrot promised to deliver the message and then flew away with the others. But when he reached Tortoise’s house, he told his wife to bring out all the hard things in the place. And so she brought out her husband’s hoes, machetes, spears, guns, and even his cannon. Tortoise looked down from the sky and saw his wife bringing things out, but it was too far to see what they were. When all seemed ready, he let himself go. He fell and fell and fell until he began to fear that he would never stop falling. And then, like the sound of his cannon, he crashed on the compound.
His shell broke into pieces. Luckily there was a great medicine man in the neighbourhood. Tortoise’s wife sent for him, and he gathered all the bits of shell and stuck them together. That is why Tortoise’s body is not smooth.
Oke Iroegbu's Musings 