Amuse: A High School Certificate

Now I return to my hamlet
With a high school certificate
From the Government College
And to the amazement of my people
And welcoming of the King himself!
I march down with my long socks
And my pants which is torn everywhere
As the crowd sang me a victory song
Even the Kings daughter herself smiled at me
‘Yes, our son conquered the white mans education!’
Yes- I return home to my fathers house
With this trophy of paper and pride
With many tales to tell the young ones
And a knock for anyone who dared sleep
On my bamboo bed during my long absence

I learnt that the alligator
By the streamside
Which terrorized the hamlet
Is still hale and even hearty
And some village boys
Strive in vain to kill it
Wait. No way…
I am the one to kill this alligator
Yes, who else but me?
After all I have a high school education!

Oh Fatami. Yes Fatami is still in town
The girl that plays the strings of my heart
Hmm… But I never had this courage
To tell her about my concern for her
But I have great feelings for her
She never looked my way till now
Maybe cause I came back from High School
I will stand and talk to her… Kpam!
And if she dares to laugh at me the way she does
I shall run away without looking back

If I shrug they will say I have come now
How can I be teaching this people to pronounce
Pietaguras and bayology and kemistery
Yet they speak in tongues before me?
They say I am too clever… Hehehe
I laugh cause back in High school
My teachers call me a big empty drum
Well, let me be what I can while it last
All the boys knew was hunting the giant rats
And the girls planting vegetables on the garden
I tell them, we call this agerecutural or agere
They mimic my voice and laugh at themselves
If I sigh now they will say I have come

If I had spent more time in school
I might as well pick a new name
A new identity, I can’t believe I came from here
But wait… I heard them say they paid my fees
The Hamlet council contributed to my scholarship
Well, that is very good for them
Atleast I came back with the paper
They all wanted to see and saw
And why everyone is good to me
I don’t really know…
Everyone, even the witch of the hamlet

Now I sit in the hut all day
Watching the sun rise and set
Doing nothing with my self
And waiting to be served foo”foo
And smoked bush meat
Dada called me his son
For the first time since I was born
Now he shows me off to the clan
And beats his hairy chests hard
Dada also stopped me from farmwork
And said I belong to pen and not a hoe
I am scared that when Dadas tobacco foil finishes
He might find my High School certificate handy
No thanks, I must be very vigilant nowadays
I am weak and lean, I need some exercise

Commentary.
This is purely an imagined piece. No character or persons or places were represented here and if there are any resemblances it is by chance. The piece is meant as a comic relief and is a work of fiction.